Exactlylike a chipmunk.
I hear a sales clerk come over, his key chain clinking musically. “Yes, ma’am? Can I help you?”
“Yeah.” The girl’s disembodied—but still chipmunklike—voice floats over the partition between our
cubicles. “Do you guys have these jeans in anything smaller than a size zero?”
I pause, one leg in and one leg out of the jeans I am squeezing myself into. Whoa. Is it just me, or was
that really existential? Because what’s smaller than a size zero? Negative something, right?
Okay, so it’s been a while since sixth grade math. But I do remember there was this number line, with a
zero in the middle, and—
“Because,” Less Than Zero/Chipmunk Voice is explaining to the sales clerk, “normally I’m a size two.
But these zeros are completely baggy on me. Which is weird. I know I didn’t lose weight since the last
time I came in here.”
Less Than Zero has a point, I realize as I pull up the jeans I’m trying on. I can’t remember the last time I
could fit into a size 8. Well, okay, Ican . But it’s not a period from my past that I particularly relish.
What gives? Normally I wear 12s…but I tried on the 12s, and I was swimming in them. Same with the
10s. Which is weird, because I haven’t exactly been on any kind of diet lately—unless you count the
Splenda I had in my latte at breakfast this morning.
This had to be one of the best books I have read in ages. I absouetely loved it and could hardly get anything else done. It is laugh out loud funny and I even had to read some of it the my hubby. Be sure you don’t care if people look at you funny while you are reading because it just happens, oh wow..read it, you will not be disappointed that you did, you will actually thank me and Meg Cabot for writing it.
Pattys Escape 